So many of the calls I get are from parents who feel trapped in the daily struggle of getting their teen out of bed and off to school.
Their teen cannot get out of bed, starts missing school, and quickly falls further and further behind. Parents begin wondering if they have been too permissive, too strict, or somehow missed something altogether.
You are not alone. School avoidance is not laziness, and it is not a sign of poor parenting.
Most teens want to feel good about themselves and succeed. They want to make their parents proud and feel good about themselves. But anxiety, depression, fear of failure, executive functioning challenges, or simply feeling overwhelmed can make going to school feel impossible.
Today’s teens are also living with constant access to grades, group chats, social media, comparisons, and an endless stream of information. Even when parents set healthy boundaries, that pressure still finds its way in.
Many of the students we meet have attended schools considered among the best in their area. Those schools may be a great fit for some students, but for others, they become pressure cookers. A bright student begins comparing themselves with the high achievers around them, worries they cannot keep up, and slowly starts to believe they do not belong.
Then they miss a few days.
Returning to class becomes its own source of anxiety. They worry a teacher will ask, “Where were you?” or say, “How nice of you to join us.” The teacher may be trying to connect, but an anxious teen hears criticism and feels embarrassment. Staying home begins to feel safer than facing everyone.
At Oliverian, we do not wait until a student is completely shut down before offering help. Much of the work happens ahead of time. Our student support team gets to know each student, what gets in their way, what motivates them, and how their morning routine connects to their goals.
Structure matters too. Healthy mornings often begin the night before, with support around bedtime, no cell service in the dorms, and wifi that shuts off automatically. In the morning, dorm parents help students get started. Sometimes that means music, a friendly dog stopping by, or another trusted adult stepping in to make the morning fun and lighthearted.
Our academic day also starts gently with intention. Four mornings each week begin with a two hour Pillar class in art, music, stewardship, or adventure. These classes are hands-on, creative, and active. Students move, create, connect, and build momentum before traditional academics begin.
Sometimes the first success is simply leaving the dorm.
A student may stop by the nurse, make it to Pillar class, and then find themselves sitting in geometry or physics before they have had time to overthink it.
We define success differently for every student. At first, success may mean getting dressed, leaving the dorm, or walking into the academic building. We meet students where they are, but we do not leave them there.
Two of our values are joy and productive discomfort. Growth begins when a student learns that anxiety does not have to hijack every decision. With the help of caring adults who know when to encourage, coach, and gently push, students begin to trust themselves again.
They are not just surviving the day. They are learning, “I can do hard things.” And then high school becomes fun again!
This can change family life, too. Parents can stop being the alarm clock, attendance officer, and morning crisis manager. There is more room for parents and teens to reconnect.
If your child is struggling with school avoidance, school refusal, anxiety, or difficulty getting out of bed for school, I would be glad to talk with you about what is happening and whether Oliverian may be the right fit.
You are not alone, and neither is your child.
— Julie Andersen, Enrollment Director
